Book Summary: Rejection Free Summary Scott Allan
How to choose yourself first and take charge of your life by confidently asking for what you want
“If you feel that your life is tied down by an unnecessary anchor of rejection, I believe this book would be very helpful.
It’s very real, written from the heart, and comes with many helpful tips to removing rejection and becoming the confidence person you know you are capable of becoming.
About The Author Scott Allan
Scott Allan writes books that focus on changing old routines, overcoming self-defeating behavior and the best strategies on dealing with rejection.
He believes that successful living is a series of small actions taken consistently on a daily basis in order to build an empowering and freedom-based lifestyle.
Scott resides in western Japan where he spends most of his time traveling, writing and counting the many gratitudes of life.
He is the author of Empower Your Thoughts, Rejection Reset and several other bestselling books.
Introduction: Living the Rejection Free Journey
You can search throughout the entire universe for someone
who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere.
You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.
Chapter 1: Debunking the Lies of Rejection
Rejection is full of lies we believe about ourselves.
We all buy into the lies that perpetuate and support this condition.
If you convince yourself that you are not good enough, you’ll always be trying to prove
yourself to someone. Even after having some big wins under your belt, you’ll chalk it up to “I was just lucky.”
We are flawed in the sense that we have a hard time accepting ourselves as we
are; there is this obsession to want to be more, have more, or prove that we do
have worth and value. But it’s like trying to fill up a bucket with a hole in the bottom.
Big Lie #1: I have to agree with everyone and value his or her opinion above all else.
When you agree with everyone, you don’t agree with anyone.
Big Lie #2: Getting rejected is personal and it means there is something wrong with me.
The power of a rejection is only as strong as you decide it should be
Big Lie #3: Rejection is a permanent condition that I was born with.
Everyone is at a different stage of the process regarding his or her rejection issues
People are as rejected as they make up their minds to be.
Big Lie #4: I’m different and weird and that’s why I am being rejected.
Everyone is weird in his or her own unique way.
Big Lie #5: If only I were better, smarter, and more likeable, or, The Self Rejection Persona.
You need to differentiate between the projections others put on you and what is actual fact.
Spend twenty minutes a day in silence. Schedule this time in if
you need to. Explore your feelings and thoughts during this time. Question the beliefs you have about yourself.
Chapter 2: Choosing a Life Over a Life of Rejection
“If you want to make any serious changes in your life, you need to create a vision of the person you would most like to be.
“Do the things you’ve only dreamed of doing, and when you are done, go do more of that.”
we trap ourselves. We pass judgments, formulate opinions, and
fulfill expectations that lead to more of the same. When we buy into rejection,
it solidifies the lies we formulated ages ago about our personal value and selfworth.
You are what you decide to be at any given moment. You choose your actions, thoughts, and direction in life.
Chapter 3: Defeating Your Rejection Persona
“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
In fact, it could be that they just desire something
else at that time, and it could be that you don’t fit those criteria. What we think is rejection is really “preferencing.”
Chapter 4: Self-Rejection and Those Old Voices
You have permission to hold yourself in the highest regard, without needing it to be validated by rewards or promotions
Chapter 5: Redefining Your Personal Value
Your self-esteem has a value, just like your confidence.
The amount of value is up to each of us, and nobody else.
Did you make a choice to be stuck? Remember that you can choose all these things to make your life better, but by not
choosing, you are also making a choice: to accept everything as it is and do nothing.
Listen to your self-talker when you are alone. What are you saying to yourself?
Chapter 6: Breaking Free of the Predictable Path
When you avoid being rejected, you eliminate all possibilities of losing, looking bad, or failing completely. You play it safe.
Unfortunately, this path reduces your success rate also. This is the path of predictability.
“What am I protecting?”
“What am I in fear oflosing?”
“What do I risk not gaining ifI avoid taking any chances at all?”
In order to break out of your comfort trap, visualize it happening. You have to
see yourself doing it. Run the scenario through your mind over and over again.
Every time you do, you make the vision stronger. Visually and mentally see
yourself taking the actions that you really want to take.
Chapter 7: Rejection & Love Dependency
“Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.”
“One of life’s fundamental truths states, “Ask and you shall
receive.” As kids we get to used to asking for things, but somehow we lose this ability in adulthood.
We come up with all sorts of excuses and reasons to avoid any possibility of criticism or rejection.”
Chapter 8: Why We Fear Asking
There are three truths about asking:
1. People who ask for what they want usually get rejected.
2. People who don’t ask for what they want never get rejected because they never ask.
3. People who keep asking for what they want may get rejected, but eventually they’ll get what they want.
Ask and you may receive.
Don’t ask, and you’ll never receive.
Asking is paramount to succeeding. This is especially true when it comes to asking for help
By not asking, you are taking a big risk.
At the very least, by asking for what you want and putting yourself out there,
you’ll build up a tough resistance to hearing NO. The more you hear NO, the
easier it becomes. You will desensitize yourself to being told to bugger off
Chapter 9: Essentials to Asking For What You Want
Step 1: STOP thinking about the negative outcome
The positive outcome is the action of you asking.
Step 2: Visualize the action of ASK
Step 3: Ask yourself, “What is the worst that could possibly happen?”
life will go on, and the great thing is, you’ll develop a mental toughness for it.
If you don’t ask, you lose anyway
Step 4: Understand that rejection is an illusion.
I convince my subconscious mind that rejection doesn’t exist, accept in my own mind.
Step 5: Keep on asking. Success is in the numbers: the more you ask, the better
you get at it. It is a skill you can master with practice. You might only get one
YES out of every fifty rejections, but it’s better than nothing. And nothing is what you’ll get if you don’t ask.
Step 6: Know WHO to ask and stop complaining about not having what you want.
Step 7: Know WHEN to ask.
Step 8: Know WHAT to ask for. One of the biggest reasons people go without
is because they don’t know what they want in the first place.
Chapter 10: Simple Strategies for Asking
1. Keep track of your asking score.
2. It’s a give-and-give-some-more.
3. Believe you’re worth receiving it.
4. Develop an attitude of gratitude for what you get.
5. Visualize your “big ask.”
6. Visualize the engagement as a positive experience.
7. Know you have nothing to lose.
8. Know that the rejection begins in your mind.
9. Project your confidence.
You Get What You Ask For
Chapter 11: Asking for Help
You can make a massive difference in your life by asking the right people for the
right things at the right time. Commit to asking for at least one thing you desire
once a day. This can be something you want for yourself, or better yet, help someone else to obtain something they want.
Chapter 12: Desensitization & the Flooding Process
Rejection rarely has anything to do with anyone else and more to do with how
we feel about ourselves. As Jiang said, the judgments and decisions people make
are based on their feelings, attitude, needs, and wants in the moment. If you
don’t have what they are looking for they’ll find someone who does.
Desensitizing yourself to the fear of rejection is about taking action toward the
events or situations that you fear the most. Desensitization is practiced through
conditioning your mind with repeated attempts at getting rejected.
Chapter 13: Getting Desensitized
You can reduce its power by conditioning yourself through exposure to rejection. This is what it means to desensitize yourself.
Create Your Own Rejection Challenge
What ideas can you come up with to desensitize and reduce your fear of rejection?
Chapter 14: No More Excuses
” Just get out there and get rejected, and sometimes it’s going to getdirty.
But that’s OK, ’cause you’re going to feel great after, you’re going to feel like, ‘Wow. I disobeyed fear.’ “
Excuses reinforce rejection. We make excuses because we fear negative consequences
Don’t focus on the outcome. Drop your expectations. Expecting everything to
work out is going to scare you into not doing anything. You’ll suffer from action paralysis.
The bottom line: You owe yourself to live BIG.
There is no satisfaction in living small and staying hidden from the world.
Think about where you’d be in six months from now and work toward a plan that produces real results.
Taking action toward the things that frighten you empowers your senses like nothing else.
Take action and take it every day. When you are fearful and believe you’ll fail, do it anyway.
Will you live as a free individual?
Are you ready to be rejection free?
Conclusion: Building The Rejection Free Lifestyle
Lesson #1: Tell Your Story
Lesson #2: Put Your Flaws Into Perspective
Lesson #3: Take Action Consistently
You have a choice.
Now go out there, seize the moment and
live your life the way it was meant to be.
Life is too short to be scared.
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