Give And Take Summary

Chapter 1 Good Returns

The Dangers and Rewards of Giving More Than You Get

David Hornik recognizes the costs of operating like a giver. “Some people think I’m delusional.

They believe the way you achieve is by being a taker,” he says. If he were more of a taker, he probably wouldn’t

accept unsolicited pitches, respond personally to e-mails, share information with competitors on his blog,

or invite his rivals to benefit from The Lobby conference.

Hornik has been extremely successful as a venture capitalist while living by his values,

and he’s widely respected for his generosity

Chapter 2 : The Peacock and the Panda

How Givers, Takers, and Matchers Build Networks

Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness

The more altruistic your attitude, the more

benefits you will gain from the relationship,”

“If you set out to help others,” he explains, “you will rapidly reinforce your own reputation and expand your universe of possibilities.

“I’ll sum up the key to success in one word: generosity,” writes Keith Ferrazzi.

“If your interactions are ruled by generosity, your rewards will follow suit.”

Chapter 3: The Ripple Effect

Collaboration and the Dynamics ofGiving and Taking Credit

By helping his fellow writers on The Simpsons, George Meyer made them more effective at their jobs, multiplying their collective effectiveness.

“He made me a better writer, inspiring me to think outside the box,” Don Payne comments.

Meyer’s willingness to volunteer for unpopular tasks, help other people improve their jokes, and work long hours to achieve high collective standards rubbed off on his colleagues.

“He makes everyone try harder

Chapter 4: Finding the Diamond in the Rough

Finding the Diamond in the Rough

Teachers’ beliefs created self-fulfilling prophecies. When teachers believed their students were bloomers, they set high expectations for their success.

As a result, the teachers engaged in more

supportive behaviors that boosted the students’ confidence and enhanced their learning and development.

When people focus on others, as givers do naturally,

they’re less likely to worry about egos and miniscule details;

they look at the big picture and prioritize what matters most to others.

Givers don’t wait for signs of potential. Because they tend to be trusting and optimistic about other people’s intentions,

in their roles as leaders, managers, and mentors, givers are inclined to see the potential in everyone

Givers start by viewing people as bloomers. This is exactly what has enabled C. J. Skender to develop so many star students.

Chapter 5 The Power of Powerless Communication

How to Be Modest and Influence People

Research suggests that there are two fundamental paths to influence: dominance and prestige.

When we establish dominance, we gain influence because others see us as strong, powerful, and authoritative.

When we earn prestige, we become influential because others respect and admire us.

Takers tend to worry that revealing weaknesses will compromise their dominance and authority.

Givers are much more comfortable expressing vulnerability:

they’re interested in helping others, not gaining power over them,

so they’re not afraid of exposing chinks in their armor.

By making themselves vulnerable, givers can actually build prestige.

When the average candidate was clumsy, audiences liked him even less.

But there’s a twist: expressing vulnerability is only effective if the audience receives other signals establishing the speaker’s competence

But when the expert was clumsy, audiences liked him even more.

Spilling a cup of coffee hurt the image of the average candidate: it was just another reason for the audience to dislike him.

But the same blunder helped the expert appear human and approachable—instead of superior and distant.

Asking questions opened the door for customers to experience what the psychologist James Pennebaker calls the joy of talking.

Asking questions is a form of powerless communication that givers adopt naturally.

Questions work especially well when the audience is already skeptical of your influence, such as when you lack credibility or status, or when you’re in a highly competitive negotiation situation.

The defining quality of a top pharmaceutical salesperson was being a giver.

And powerless communication, marked by questions, is the defining quality of how givers sell.

So if I tell you to go out and vote, you might resist.

But when I ask if you’re planning to vote, you don’t feel like I’m trying to influence you.

It’s an innocent query, and instead of resisting my influence, you reflect on it.

This doesn’t feel like I’m persuading you. As

Aronson explains, you’ve been convinced by someone you already like and trust: Yourself.

By asking people questions about their plans and intentions, we increase the likelihood that they

actually act on these plans and intentions.

But it only works if you already feel good about the intention that the question targets.

New research shows that advice seeking is a surprisingly effective strategy for exercising influence when we lack authority.

Regardless of their reciprocity styles, people love to be asked for advice.

Giving advice makes takers feel important, and it makes givers feel helpful

Chapter 6 The Art of Motivation Maintenance

Why Some Givers Burn Out but Others Are On Fire

Since givers tend to put others’ interests ahead of their own, they often help others at the expense

Of their own well-being, placing themselves at risk for burnout.

When people know how their work makes a difference, they feel energized to contribute more.

One hundred seems to be a magic number when it comes to giving. In a study of more than two thousand Australian adults in their mid-sixties,

those who volunteered between one hundred and eight hundred hours per year were happier and more satisfied with their lives than

those who volunteered fewer than one hundred or more than eight hundred hours annually.

Research shows that if people start volunteering two hours a week, their happiness, satisfaction, and self-esteem go up a year later.

Psychologists Netta Weinstein and Richard Ryan have demonstrated that giving has an energizing effect

only if it’s an enjoyable, meaningful choice rather than undertaken out of duty and obligation

Recent neuroscience evidence shows that giving actually activates the reward and meaning centers in

our brains, which send us pleasure and purpose signals when we act for the benefit of others.

Chapter 7 Chump Change

Overcoming the Doormat Effect

To avoid getting scammed or exploited, it’s critical to distinguish the genuine givers from the takers and fakers.

Successful givers need to know who’s likely to manipulate them so that they can protect themselves

We tend to stereotype agreeable people as givers, and disagreeable people as takers.

When a new contact appears affable, it’s natural to conclude that he has good intentions.

We often overlook that there are disagreeable givers: people who are rough and tough in demeanor,

but ultimately generous with their time, expertise, and connections.

When a client makes an unreasonable request, I explain that it’s going to stretch my team, or

kill them working crazy hours.

Chapter 8 The Scrooge Shift

Research shows that givers usually contribute regardless of whether it’s public or private, but

takers are more likely to contribute when it’s public.

Influence is far more powerful in the opposite direction: change people’s behaviors first, and their attitudes often follow.

To turn takers into givers, it’s often necessary to convince them to start giving.

Chapter 9 Out of the Shadows

By repeatedly making the choice to act in the interest of others, strategic matchers may find themselves

developing giver identities, resulting in a gradual drift

in style toward the giving end of the reciprocity spectrum.

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