You’re a Riddle Wrapped in Enigma
- No one is an open book
- Your emotions are less obvious then you realize
- Life is easier and more rewarding when people get you
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You’re Actions Are a Matter of Interpretations
- People don’t see us as objectively as we are
- People don’t see us as we see ourselves
- Our actions may be interpreted differently than intended
Cognitive Miser Effect
- We always assume things
- Confirmation bias, people expect what they want to see
- Primary effect makes people bias
- We stereotype people
- Creative people are view as less effective leaders
- Halo effect makes people think that all attractive people are smart
- The false consensus effect; people think others share the same opinions, habit… As them
- We think we are unique, more honest, kinder than others
How Perception Affect Us
- We link behaviours with the person’s personality, trait, moral characters…
- People behave differently in different settings
- People assume if someone is similar in one way, they could be similar in other ways
- People stereotype when they are tired, stressed, etc.
- People need to be motivated to put more effort into perceiving
How to Build Trust
- Project trust by sharing knowledge
- Trust reduce stress and turnover in workplace
- Project warmth and competence
How To Convey Warmth
- Give compliments, perform favours, show interest
- Make eye contact
- Nod from time to time
- Smile, smile, smile
How To Show Empathy
- Say I’m sorry on behalf of GOD
- I’m sorry the plane crash, I’m sorry about the rain
- This greatly help in showing empathy
How To Gained Trust
- Be vulnerable
- Tell people about your struggles and challenges
- Share personal stories
- Show your weaker side
How to Convey Competence
- Highlight accomplishments and experience
- Be self-assured, avoid defensiveness
- Make eye contact
- Use easy to understand communication
- Speak faster, gesture, nod, upright posture
How To Appear to Have Willpower
- DON’T Smoke
- DON’T Overeat
- DON’T spending Impulsively
- DON’T be lazy
- DON’T cheat
Overconfident leads to…
- Unrealistic goal settings
- Under prepared
- Being annoying
Adopt Power Pose To Feel Powerful
- Hands behind head
- Legs apart
- Arms spread while gesturing
- Stick out chests
- Taking up more space
Emphasize Your Potential to Project Competence
- Highlight what you could offer
- People root for uncertainty
- Pitch a fantastic future
- Paint a gorgeous goal
Traits that Convey Warmth Without Appearing Low Competence
- Courageous, fair, principled, honest
- Loyal, being somebody people can count on
How Powerful people think
- They are more accountable
- They are more selfish
- They are more motivated
- They have less empathy
- The stereotype more often
- Be fucking useful to them and you will succeed
- Think about how you can help them with their goal
How ego affects us
- Our ego distorts our views
- People don’t hire them who threaten their attractiveness
- We have Illusionary optimism, we always think things will work out well
- We always blame others for our fault
Dealing with People’s Ego
- Access if you pose a threat to them
- Be modest
- Praise people when they deserve it
- Forming a sense of us by finding commonality
Risk Takers Mindset
- Open minded, holistic
- Work fast, make mistakes
- Optimistic, comfortable with risk
- Creative & innovative
- Cheerful to depressed
- Artist, consultant, inventor
- Respond well to potential gains, benefits
- Look for reason to say yes
- Go by feeling, intuition
Risk Avoider Mindset
- Thorough & detail oriented
- Slow but accurate
- Cautious pessimistic and risk averse
- Analyse and evaluate, prepared
- Calm to anxious
- Administrator, accountant, engineer
- Respond well to preventing lose, mistakes
- Looking for reason not to say no
- Go by reason, details, evidence
2 Types of Emotionally Neglected Child
- Anxious
– had loving but not reliable parents
– Child throw tantrums and try to get attention - Avoidant
– had less supportive parents
– Avoid parents
– Don’t expect affection from parents
Emotionally Secure Children
- Get close to others easily
- Comfortable in depending on people
- Comfortable in having people depend on them
- Don’t worry about being abandon
- Don’t worry about people getting too close
Anxious Attached Children / Needy People
- Felt the pain of abandonment before
- Constantly seeking closeness
- Constantly worrying people don’t want to be close
- Questions their own self-worth
- Look to others for validation
- Self-esteem depends on validations
- Get clingy, jealous, highly emotional
- When they are caring, it’s all about them
- They are rejection sensitive
- Expect to be rejected
- Overreacts to rejections
- They hate broken promises, ambiguity & loneliness
Avoidant Children / Aloof/ Distanced People
- Uncomfortable being close to others
- Difficult to trust people
- Difficult to depend of people
- Don’t like to be depend on
- Hate obligation, forced intimacy, vulnerability
Dealing with Needy People
- Empathize, think.. Why do they feel that way?
- Don’t take it personally, it’s about them
- Avoid ambiguity, let them know how you feel
- Be reliable
Dealing with Aloof People
- Stress makes them clam up
- Don’t expect warmth and support from them
- Give moderate warmth and support
- Say let me help you, instead of would you like me to help?
How to Correct bad impressions
- Provide plentiful of contrary evidence
- Activate their need to be fair
- Label them any traits that’s helpful
- Share examples of you making stereotyping mistakes
Need to feel in control
- People need to feel in control
- People hate unpredictability
- Offer help to people in distress
- Lend a hand to your boss in crisis
- Let people know how you feel
Work together to make people like you
- Collaboration would increase understanding
- It’s great opportunity to show your good sides
Familiarity breeds liking
- Always hang around the people you want to like you
- Stick to people who hate you they’ll slowly learn to like you
How to Apologize the right way
- Don’t justify
- It’s all about them
- Imagine how they feel
- Restore their trust
- Say: I feel your pain !
- Say: I know I let the whole team down!
How to judge others clearly
- Don’t rush
- Beware of confirmation bias
- Commit to being fair
More No One Understands You Related Books Summaries
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