If You’re So Smart, Why are You Not Happy Summary

 

 

7 Sins of Happiness

1. Devaluing happiness

• We devalue happiness by choosing money, fame, beauty over it.
• We choose a higher paying job or buy more expensive items
• We need to prioritize happiness by doing happiness enhancing activities.
• We should hang out with friends more, go vacations with family.
  
  
  

2. Chasing Superiority

• We are socially conditioned to be better than others, to be the best.
• Survivor of the wealthiest, fastest, strongest etc has been taught by society.
• Mastery is one of human’s main goal
• We check our progress by comparing with others
• Desire for approval and self esteem is important for us
• We need the freedom to control our lives
• We use fame, money and power and status to show superiority and they make us materialistic & materialism lowers happiness
• People get adapted to materialistic gains quickly
• Being materialistic lowers compassion and increase self-centeredness
• Research show materialistic people more likely to suffer mental disorder
• Tying one’s self – worth to being better than others can lead to depression.
• Being superior makes us happier but the process of it lowers happiness
• Superiority could be addicting
• Pursuing Flow is better in helping achieving success.
• Negative self-talk doesn’t motivate us
• Self-kindness motivates us
• Talk to yourself like you’re a fragile little girl
• When you achieve success thank people who helped you
  
  
  

3. Desperation for love

• Our capacity for love depends on how much love we receive when we are young
• Being in love is powerful, the greatest feeling you can feel without drugs
• That is why we crave love.
• we need to forge bond with others
• We need others to agree with us.
• Relationship brings happiness
• Isolation brings sadness
• We need connection to be happy
• Neediness and avoidance doesn’t bring happiness
• Gratitude leads to friendship
• Find , remind, bind
• We have the need to love and give because givers are happier
• Babies who give their stash away are reported happy
• Giving improves overall health
• When we are generous, we feel more capable, effective and abundant
• People who give charity have higher income
• People who give get promoted
• People who witness their generosity are happier
• It takes five positive remark to compensate one negative remark
• Practice creative altruism
• Stay around to received their thanks gracefully
• The world is filled with generously people, we just have to see it
• The media has skewed our perspective, the world is less dramatic as the news
  
  
  

4. Being Overly controlling

• People reminded of death are negative towards those who are different
• Death evokes feeling of uncertainty and lack of control
• Values, ideals, people make us feel more in control
• Illusion of control is why we fear flying instead of driving.
• Being in control pro long life
• Being obsessive controlling lower happiness
• People resist control
• You can either have control over people or their love
• Power stress is when people doesn’t act according to their expectation
• Obsessive over desired outcome lower happiness
• Life is uncertain, outcome is never certain
• Appreciate and prepare for uncertainty
• We can’t appreciate uncertainty if our live is not under control
• Our health, relationship and financials need to be under control
• Time scarcity perception kills happiness
• Making more money feels like having less time
• Awe inducing images eg. Waterfall, whales slow down perception of time
• Take internal control, never blame anyone for anything
• Everything that happen is your own responsibility
• We recall past vacations to be more fun than they are
• We over predict that vacation would be more enjoyable than they would be
• We selectively remember only the positive events
• We over predict negative events
• Thoughts influence emotions
• Anxieties are caused by uncertainty
• Sadness are caused by loss
• Anger cause by someone blocking goal
• Pride result of own positive actions
• Gratitude result of others positive actions
• Focus on thoughts that make you happy
• Shopping compensate for lack of internal control
• Religious people belief God gives them control over external events
• People are superstitious when they lack external control
• People try to have external control by praying
• When we have strong internal control, we don’t get affected by external circumstances.
• Asking the wrong question can undermine confidence
• Labeling feelings lower intensity
• Put things in perspective
  
  
  

5. Distrusting others

• Distrust begets distrust
• Trust and you get trust
• We are hardwired to distrust
• Evolutionary, those who distrust survive longer
• Trust is increase happiness
• Learn to elicit trust
• Learn to understand and forgive
• Revenge is a negative cycle
• Imagine if you’re born the way they are, you’d behaved the same
• It is unfair but do it for yourself
• Be likeable and you’ll get cheated less
• Similarity breeds liking
• Warmth and friendliness breeds liking
• Build history of mutual trustworthiness
• Take small trust risk and expose small vulnerability and secrets
  
  
  

6. Passionate pursuit of passion

• People are happier when busy, unless overworked
• Meaningful business is much preferred
• Derived happiness from working towards an outcome
• Process gets you happiness
• Outcomes gets you happiness
• Negative feelings lose their intensity
• Positive feelings retain their intensity longer
• Negative events are more significant
• Negative feelings provide growth
• We should pursue outcome
• Be non-judgemental about undesired outcome
• Note positive outcome from the negative event
• Trust that good things will happen to you
• Train your mind to note the positive
• Our subjective belief can shape objective reality
• Practicing gratitude help being positive
  
  
  

7. Mind addiction

• Trust your gut and feelings
• Subconscious mind is superior
• Ideas came in the twilight zone
• Self-awareness is crucial
• Self-honesty is important but your self-worth need to be strong enough
• GATE = Goals, Actions, Thoughts, Emotions
• Our lives around GATE.
• Observe your GATE and slow it down
• Be mindful of negative feelings
• Observe physical sensation of negative feelings
• Behaviour affect attitude
• Be in the moment, mindful
• Mindful = observe without any judgement
• Mindfulness improves heart health
• It improves vagal tone
• Our minds are programmed to search patterns
• Patterns are created out of random events
• Constantly observer your breath
  
  
  

8. Happiness Requirement

• The need for mastery and flow enhance the progress towards mastery
• The need to feel intimacy or connection with at least one person
• The need to belong, love and loved.
• The need for freedom and control = autonomy
• MBA = Mastery, Belong, Autonomy
• Abundance route = flow, love and internal control
• Scarcity route = superiority, loved, external control
  
  
  

Conclusion

• This Happiness formula only works for those have their basic necessities met.
• The world will not fall in productivity if everybody adopts this mentality
• A lot of people are still in scarcity mode because people are more concerned with surviving
• The Media has been bombarding us with negative side of people and skewed our perspective
• Flock with like minded people to improve yourself
• Be flexible, open minded, “be like water” as Bruce Lee said.
  
  

If You’re So Smart, Why are You Not Happy Summary !

 

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